A career tip for young actors from Mr. Malcolm McDowell.

"I tell you this: if you start your career by showing your dick, you're gonna be stuck with that for the rest of your life."

So Mr. McDowell observes in one of three—three!—commentary tracks on the new three—three!—disc "Imperial" edition of the infamous Caligula. Mr. McDowell, of course, knows whereof he speaks, having got his kit off in his very first film, ...if, and undergone similar exposure in A Clockwork Orange. Perhaps he and Ewan McGregor could commiserate some time.

I didn't think there were any forces on earth or in heaven that could compel me to sit through the mess that is Tinto Brass' 1979 film, but the promise of commentaries from not just McDowell but Queen Helen Mirren herself roused my curiosity. (The third commentary is by writer Ernest Volkman, who, in one head-spinning observation, observes that Penthouse mogul Bob Guccione, the film's backer and defining figure, was prone to being taken advantage of by "hustlers." Bob Guccione.) The troika provide their observations on a non-hardcore, "alternate pre-release" version of the film, I suppose in the interest of dignity maintainence. Mirren's commentary is on the polite side, although at one point early on she compares her experience making the film to an acid trip. Master raconteur McDowell, on the other hand, really lets rip. During the scene pictured above, discussing working with the "game" "sweetheart" Teresa Ann Savoy, the actor recalls, "I do remember though, after one of these orgy things, opening my eyes, and literally her vagina was on my nose."

The whole package is curious, fascinating. Liner notes by one R.J. Buffalo have an almost Video Watchdog-like obsessiveness to them, breathlessly detailing potential alternate versions, passionately advocating a full restoration that might not be possible, and meticulously cataloging gaffes before pausing to observe "A reasonable question is, why bother?" It's as if the movie—a famed "disaster" that actually did make money (although who got to keep the dough is probably anybody's guess)—had become the object of cargo cult worship or something. As such, this package is an essential item for anyone assembling a home library of cinematic anomalies.

After dipping into this mammoth thingie, I spent a little time with the new DVD of Cruising. I always thought that when Paul Sorvino asks Pacino, "Lemme ask you something: Have you ever had your cock sucked by a man?" it would have been great had he answered "When do I start?" Thinking of this, I chortle, and My Lovely Wife asks from the kitchen, "What are you watching?" A typical Friday night in the Kenny household.

Comments

[Aaron Aradillas]

Caligula, followed by Cruising? All you needed was the new Deliverance DVD and the night would've been perfect.

Speaking of Cruising...any thoughts? Care to share any memories of when the shit hit the fan during the summer of '79? I'm curious to hear from anyone who doesn't have an axe to grind about whether Cruising is really worthy of re-evaluating. Or, is it another case of cinematic revisionism? It seems sooner or later every movie will get some kind of cult following. Who knew people would ever claim Heaven's Gate is misunderstood.

[Derek McNess]

Crusing is not worth revisiting.
To Live and Die in L.A., however, is.
Best film Freidkin ever made and the defining American movie of the mid-80's.
Yes, over Blue Velvet.

[Aaron Aradillas]

To Live and Die in L.A. is one of the few highlights of the movie year 1985, the worst year of the decade.

1985 must've been torture to get through as a critic. What can you say about a year where Out of Africa is apparently the best Hollywood can do. Then again, '85 did bring us Blood Simple, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Prizzi's Honor, and The Falcon and the Snowman. Even-numbered years were the better ones during the '80s.

1989 broke this trend in a big way.

[Drew]

Ahhh... you made me laugh out loud, Glenn. I frequently encounter the moment as I'm watching something in my office for review when I realize (A) what I'm watching is absolutely filthy/disgusting/outrageous and (B) my office is bordered by three larger glass doors that allow anyone in my house to see in clearly from any angle and (C) I have a two-year-old son who is most likely about to be enlightened to a degree I'm not comfortable with. CRUISING was a recent one of those for me.

Best line in the film: "Party size."

[Beats by dr dre]

Perhaps you can't control your job, but you may be able to make other changes in your life.